How to cope when dealing with traumatic events?
- Illness
- Divorce
- Car crash
- Someone dying
- Losing your job
- End of a relationship
- Being raped or assaulted
It may be something huge that floors us that comes out of the blue. It may be something we were expecting, or it may be something small that knocks us sideways because we just can’t cope with one more thing as we feel overwhelmed and feeling we have no control over our lives. We may feel there is a risk of harm or danger to ourselves or others. Situations like this are usually frightening or cause much stress. You may feel helpless.
What happens immediately after a trauma?
- Shock you may feel stunned, dazed, numb, cut off from your feelings, or from what is going on around you.
- Denial you can’t accept that it’s happened, so you behave as though it hasn’t. Other people may think that you are being strong and that you’re
- Over several hours or days, the feelings of shock and denial gradually fade, and other thoughts and feelings take their place.
What happens next?
People react differently and take different amounts of time to come to terms with what has happened. Even so, you may be surprised by the strength of your feelings. Experiencing a mix of emotions is normal. This may be:
- Frightened that the same thing will happen again, or that you might lose control of your emotions and breakdown.
- Helpless that something terrible happened and you could do nothing about it. You feel vulnerable and overwhelmed.
- Angry about what has happened and with whoever was responsible.
- Guilty that you have survived when others have suffered or died. You may feel that you could have done something to prevent it.
- Sad particularly if people were injured or killed, especially someone you knew.
- Ashamed or embarrassed that you have these strong feelings you can’t control, especially if you need others to support you.
- Hopeful that your life will return to normal. People can start to feel more positive about things quite soon after a trauma.
Other longer-term effects may be:
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Depression
- Panic attacks
- Trouble sleeping
- Not trusting others
- Withdrawing from people
How do you cope when you feel you can’t get out of bed let alone deal with anything. Initially withdrawing completely may be what we need to rest and process what’s happened or happening. Sometimes people utilise unhealthy coping strategies to cope such alcohol/drugs/addictions and/or self-harm.
To cope with any problem however small or traumatic, we must first understand why it happened and then process it to move forward. The following steps can help you in this process:
- Acknowledge to yourself that you’re not coping and you need help
- The second step is to ask for help, see your doctor, talk to friends/family/work colleagues
- Seek out a counsellor to allow you the space to talk about what’s going on and then together with your therapist she can enable you to process, understand and make sense of that which doesn’t make sense to you
- Any form of exercise will help as it relieves stress especially if you’re not sleeping
- There is always someone to talk to if you’ve tried and people haven’t helped please keep trying
- Give yourself time to heal and deal with what’s happened
- Being kind to yourself, you’re doing the best you can
- Access a helpline or Samaritans if you feel suicidal
- Don’t make any life-changing decisions
- Having a bath, reading, watching a film
- Don’t bottle up your feelings
- Don’t take on too much
Finally, believe that even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there, you just may not be able to see it at the moment. Life always gets better, and there are always people and professional out there who can help. Understand that you are human and you are not superman/superwoman and you can’t hold the whole world on your shoulders.