Identity

What is identity? What makes us who we are? What makes us different from others? Well, we have our own DNA and fingerprints but what factors may govern our identity. Developing a sense of self or an identity is an essential part of every individual becoming mature. We are all different but factors such as the following may give us an identity or sense of belonging:

  • Culture
  • Skin colour
  • Language
  • Religious beliefs
  • Gender
  • Age
  • Sexuality
  • Education
  • Whether we work
  • Our health
  • Disabilities
  • Where we live

 

We are born into a body in a random part of the world and then take on board our parent’s beliefs and those of our school friends and family. They to a certain extent define who we are at that age. The teenage years are a time of revolt and of finding out who we really are, pushing against what we’ve been told and of finding ourselves, and of exploring where we want to belong or not belong.

Have you ever thought about ‘who am I’? Many people come to counselling as they feel lost or that they’ve lost who they are or lost their identity. They may not feel like the person they were before. They may feel a loss of identity due to having children, getting married, losing a job, getting older etc.

Personal identity develops over time and can evolve, sometimes drastically, depending on what direction we take in life. For instance, a person who at 25 identifies himself as part of a particular political party, of a particular faith, and who sees himself as upper-middle class, might discover that at 65, he’s a very different person. Perhaps he’s no longer interested in politics, he’s changed his religion, and he’s living on less money than when he was 25. Any variation is possible during a person’s lifespan.

We identify and find out who we are by comparing ourselves to others or not wanting to be like others. We can join a group and identify with others in the group maybe to feel safe and connected or we can live in a remote place and not conform to any rules and just be ourselves. The fantasy of doing that many can understand but we live in a society which is constructed by rules which dictate who we should be. What we wear and what language we use.

It is impossible to have an identity as a successful career woman if one is without a job and if there are no employment opportunities. Other limitations to our autonomy may reside within us, for example in the bodies which we inhabit, as illustrated by the ageing process, by physical impairments, illness and the actual size and shape of our bodies.

If you find yourself struggling with identity issues counselling can help and offer a space to explore these feelings. Find ways to cope with struggles associated with these identity issues, and ultimately find themselves in the process.