The stages of grief

One of the most difficult things that you are likely to go through in your life is the death of a loved one. This could be a parent, partner, child or another family member, and it can be expected or come completely out of the blue.

Grief is different for everyone and at times it can feel as if you are walking blindly through a very dark tunnel. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can reach the end.

There is a good chance that your own grief will come in waves or stages. These don’t arrive in any particular order and you may miss a stage or repeat it a few times throughout your grief. One of the things to remember is that the way you are feeling is normal, and you won’t feel this way forever.

Denial

Often, for most people, the first stage of grief is denial. You simply do not want to believe that the person has gone and will tell yourself that it hasn’t happened. Whilst it may seem like an irrational way to feel, it is completely normal, particularly considering the overwhelming nature of the situation that you find yourself in. It usually stems from the feeling of shock and will disappear as you come to terms with what is happening.

Anger

Another common feeling when it comes to grief is anger. This incredibly intense emotion is one that is very primal and can be aimed at a variety of different things. This includes complete strangers, friends, family, doctors or even random objects. You may even feel angry at the person who has died, for leaving you and for causing you this pain. Unfortunately, you will often feel guilty for being angry, which can make you even angrier, particularly at yourself.

Bargaining

It is normal to feel that you could have done more to stop that person from dying. Even if there really was nothing else that you could do. This stage is bargaining and involves you believing that you should have tried harder to be a better person to them, that you should have pressed for medical help, that maybe even you should have been more religious.

Depression

Whilst depression in itself is a mental health issue, it can be caused by a life event such as someone dying. There are a variety of things that can be linked to feelings of depression; you may feel overwhelmingly sad about the situation that you find yourself in, that you will miss the person forever. You may also be concerned about the financial implications of their death, including having to organise a funeral for them.

Acceptance

The last stage of grief is acceptance; however, you may find that even when you feel that you have accepted it, you could find yourself taking a few steps back. You won’t feel quite like yourself, and there will still be some time before you are over their death, however, you feel that you can face a life without them and that you are calm about what the future could bring.

Grief never really goes away and can pop up at any point in your life. However, the feelings that you have will fade over time. You will always remember how important that person was to you, and they can forever be a part of your life, even if they are no longer with you.