How to deal with the end of a relationship?
Everybody handles break-ups in very different ways; for example, some people may ruminate going over every tiny detail trying to work out where it all went wrong, others might throw themselves into single life of drinking, partying and casual sex in order to get over their ex-partner. Some people may try to win their ex back whereas other people even rebound with a brand new relationship.When we engage in this of behaviour we are avoiding processing and dealing with the problems and issues which contributed to the break-up.
Getting over a break up can be even harder if there are children involved or if you work with your ex as you will see your ex more often than you would like and may have to cope with office gossip about your break up or co-workers taking sides over the split. This can add to the stress and upset you’re currently feeling which in turn will affect mood, levels of anxiety and wellbeing.
Sometimes a little bit of impartial guidance is needed in order to navigate your way through the breakup, here are a few helpful tips to get you through the early stages of the breakup.
Do not stalk your ex
There is always going to be that curiosity to find out what your ex is up to. It’s normal to wonder if your ex has moved on with a new partner, put on weight, moved house, changed job etc, however, there is a fine line between merely wondering and borderline stalking. Be aware of how many times you search for your ex on Facebook, purposely turn up at the same cafe or pub that your ex regularly visit or even constantly messaging the ex’s friends to find out any details about them.This sends the message that you’re not willing to accept the end of the relationship and you could potentially become a bit of a nuisance. Initially, try to minimise the chance of running into your ex by socialising in new places which gives you the opportunity to meet new people.
Take time for you
One of the best gifts you can give yourself following the break up of a relationship is taking some time to focus on yourself and what you want to do for yourself. This allows you to get to know the newly single version of yourself again as some of your personal views and preferences may have changed since splitting up with your partner. Learning who you are and feeling secure in yourself will ensure that you enter a new relationship when you are ready.
Communication with the ex (do you or don’t you?)
Deciding whether you still want to remain in contact or even try to be friends with the ex
is always a tricky part of any breakup. The main questions to ask yourself are ‘what am I wanting to gain from having this person in my life?’, ‘can I put our past issues and problems behind us to allow a friendship to grow?’, ‘can I be around him/her when they’re in a new relationship?’and most importantly ‘do I really want him/her back?’. If you are unable to be honest with yourself when considering your reasons for contacting your ex it’s probably not a good idea.
Don’t bad-mouth your ex in front of the kids
Although this seems like a pretty obvious unwritten rule it is one that is often broken. As much as you may be furious with your ex and dislike them there is no need to start bitching about your ex-partner in front of your children. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget how easily influenced children are by their parents’ opinions on other people, however, thinking before you speak and being neutral about your ex will allow your child to develop their own opinions without harming relationships with either parent.